I met the Embassy guy again this week. We had lunch, work lunch, together with some extra people. There was something about his pale skin and thin lips that turned me off, but the way his shirt hugged his firm chest tightly, halfway revealing those nipples, was giving me a different idea. He was mocked by his colleague as being too stiff and formal. (That was professional to me though). My boss said he thought Embassy guy was gay as well the other day. I wasn’t sure. If he were, he gotta be on Grindr.
The key point is, I shouldn’t be caring about the their gay ambassador and his potentially gay entourage that followed him. What they call gay movement here wasn’t exactly the type that fit the cultural cut nor one where many pushed aside gays could feel represented.
This week I also said goodbye to Richard. The UN moved him to Cambodia for a new post and he accepted it with bigger paycheck. “New man as well eh?” I was joking on our final meal together, this time for breakfast. I told him I was still taking good care of the bicycle he gave me last year. It was just like the first time we dined, he would make remark about how crazy I was regarding sex, I would told him there was a reason birds flocked together, and then another one would be made about my manhood. It was average in size but he always used the word “meaty”.
And just like any other times, he jumped on my ride, pretended it was my break that made him fall towards and hugged my belly. He was touching me from behind discreetly and then again said I was crazy. I wasn’t bothered anymore at that point. It was the same old whining Richard.
We then drove to the biggest river in town, where a terrain part reached out in the middle of the pink colored water, with small white daisies everywhere moving in the wind. He gave me a quick blowjob behind one deserted brick house. Again, just like the previous encounters with him, it never finished since he would get panicked. And I was somehow sidetracked by the fact that it was into that river that many had jumped off from the bridge up there. Love was the frequent cited motivation.
Last Saturday I went to a music event, Fete de la Musique it was, at a French cultural center since Jeremy was talking to me about it before that and how he really enjoyed in in France. The moment I walked in, David was walking out. This was the 2nd time I bumped into him out of the blue. I knew he would be there, but I didn’t know that he would be holding the door for me to walk in. We talked a bit and he made excuses to leave, saying he should have invited me over to watch him sing.
The music was alright. When the DJ played, everybody left, I was among the few left on the dance floor. I spotted a former neighbor who came in very late and wondered what he was doing since he never struck me as the type of going out at this time. I wondered if he felt alone like I did.
A day before that, I set up a meetup for Bret, the straight guy I used to work with. He just went through, or maybe was still going through, his first fall out, after more than 10 years I would say being with that lady. That was also why I wanted to spend some time with Brett, just bonding over heartbreak. I introduced my female colleague to him whose brilliant mind ran its own course. They would be lovely together.
They got on fine I thought. I left the place after 2 beers, going home and hopped on Richard’s former bicycle and just rode around the lake area. I saw Florian’s light was still on when I passed by that certain part of the lake. I saw places and faces that could have meant something. I never meant for any of those to be more than just a gay friendship but they gradually slipped away, even online, from Darren, to Dan, Federico, Johann and even Tom G. It was like they secretly ganged up in the dark and made a plan to slowly cut me out of their lives.
Anyway, during the ride, I kept on picturing Brett and the lady, together in one ride, how he would be such a nice guy as he was, offering to take her home. I pictured them in bed together. I pictured him smiling as he finally found his soulmate. I pictured him walking in the class and turned to me upon frantic kids’ actions asking for help when we first met 6 years ago. I thought I liked him all along.
This week, the news came that I would be in the Philippines working for a new post for a while. 4 years ago, I was there and had a blowjob on the beach from a really kind guy called Chad. He told me he had slept with more than a hundred men while I was in awe, embarrassingly admitted that mine was just 3. I cried to him, under the alcohol influence of course, telling him about Matt, Ben & Beurre. He told me it was going to be alright. It was the bright light in that trip. The rest of it, or the capital city itself, to me was a light brown color.
But it could be a change, I don’t know.