“When was the last time you spent the night?” The conference girl asked. Again, my mind skipped to Joey that I forgot the recent ones in Taiwan without which, the night there would be much colder, just like the rain outside during that spring in Taichung.
We were in en extremely luxurious hotel right next to Sun Moon Lake, embraced by a wooden cycling path running through the bamboo maze. The boys in the group, unsurprisingly, could be found fooling around with the Xbox set in the Entertainment area. I was more interested, culturally, in the hot spring where everybody had to enter naked. I did had a moment of admiration looking catching Czech boy’s booty in display inside the changing room, which was a bit more fascinating than our whole week bonding for sure.
I was a bit timid at first, shredding off all of my clothes in front of strangers. But when I entered the room, it all disappeared. The Taiwanese men there were middle-aged, with kids and all (some were gays, as my instincts indicated). Most were untrimmed and rather modest in terms of, well, dick size, which boosted my confidence by a margin. Some possessed really sensual physical appearance. I still found Asian men attractive sometimes, but overall, I just didn’t know why the appeal wore out slowly after my relationship with Beurre. No one was Asian ever since, despite me being one. And I always thought the worse form of racism is the one against your own kind.
So I was the last one to leave the hot spring, not to enjoy the parade of naked men but to really immerse in the water. It did feel relaxing in a way, putting aside the outcast feeling being with the group, the temptation towards certain men, the jealousy watching how they all had company to chill out in the nude with inside, and the sadness of course. I didn’t know why or how it took shape, but I remember watching a band performing right before hitting the hot spring. They were playing some 80s music, with such harmonies that carried the melancholy towards an unknown target. You were sad yearning for someone whose name you didn’t know nor face you couldn’t make out in the dark.
Anyway, after that, I hit my room, turned on Grindr and found a guy. I wasn’t really physical interested in this guy but he was the most convenient one. 10 minutes later, he was knocking on my door. He was much cuter than in the photo. I wasn’t trying to generalize anything, especially such complex beings as humans, but there were certain “types” of gays that you just sort of knew when you saw them: some were colorful and flamboyant, with hands waving in four directions while talking, and some were more muscular than average and dressed themselves in revealing clothes, like the Australian teacher Robert I shagged once or twice. This boy was the latter.
He worked in the tourist info center, which was not far away from where I was, and was gladly to give head without reciprocation. He asked if he could spend the night and if I like to kiss in advance. I just told him that maybe we should just let it be. “Alright,” he nodded and took off my shorts. He was experienced. And wasn’t camera shy either. He allowed video taping under one condition: I had to show him the other ones in my phone.
He did kiss me when I was fooling a bit in bed. Sometimes I didn’t know what role I played, if I was the more dominant one or not. I was leading, and in control, but one moment he was kissing me and then saying how “cute” my smile was, which put me off guard. Upon confusion, I stood up and opened the door to the balcony. It was a rainy night, but not too much to blind the view to the lake. It was funny how the water still looked so calm, undisturbed by the rain. The other rooms, some of them were still lit bright, but mine was in the dark.
I sat down on the rocking chair on the wooden balcony in my birthday suit, and he approached me from behind, knelt down and resumed the blow job he had been giving earlier. The boy really knew what he was doing. I was panting in the dark, as it was getting closer and closer to the edge, but trying not to make too much noise as we were completely out on the open and a group member, the kind Hungarian one, was staying next door. I thought I came in his mouth, while the boy was pleasing himself and then ejaculated on the balcony.
He spent some time with me in bed afterwards. He told me about his grudge towards white men, how they were all lazy, reading books all day and doing no exercise. I sort of pictured his previous encounters with those older white guys must have looked like. I asked him to stay but this time he gained the upper hand by turning my offer down. He was lying next to me for a few extra minutes, as I was falling asleep, then slowly walking out himself. Before that, he didn’t forget to put the blanket on me and asked me to just continue sleeping. “You were an animal,” that was one of the last words that I remembered.
Going back to Taipei was a drag, but the only shining point was getting to see the officers I met again. They were mostly older than me, but was newly employed. Despite such fact, I strongly believed they were much more competent and made for this business than I was. Louis was one of them. I didn’t notice him until the group discussion, during which I was asking them about Taroko travel tips.
“You are going alone? By yourself?” Louis asked with wonder in his eyes, which confused me a bit.
“Yeah. Is that… not recommended?”
Then he proposed the idea of joining me. I told him that would be great, since I had always been travelling alone, or mostly. My first impression of Louis was pleasant, and that was why I was looking forward to seeing him and the other kids. We met at a karaoke not that far from the place where I stayed.
And one by one, they made excuse to leave. Louis was the only one that stayed. He took me to the chicken place where the young went to have fried snack and bubble tea. Along the way, I dropped some sexual hints regarding “welcoming”, “entrance” and “front door”. I wasn’t sure if he was gay or not, or even if he was, if he was into me or not. But I was sure that it was the first time, in a long time, that I had an organic crush. It was made through regular social interaction, no hookup apps, no nude photos exchanged, no clue regarding the other’s sexuality. So I was glad he picked up the hints and laughed.
He walked me back to the hotel. I told him it would be great if he could share a drink or two with me, that I had a really nice view by the window. He made an excuse to leave, since it was quite late and he needed to be at the place early in the morning. “Just one drink, and you can stay over if you want to, it’s close to your office anyway,” it was my last card.
“Is that the view that you wanted to show me?” he said, when he was already in my room.
“Well, you could see traffic.” Of course, the window was just an excuse. And before he decided to come up, he was very cautious, asking me if I had been wired, that our encounter was being watched or recorded. I actually did had the same thought since my phone, for the whole trip, was constantly going off and on every 15 minutes or so. I wouldn’t know if somebody had been in the room…
But anyway, I was being a bit of a romantic. I told him that the view would look better from this angle, which he followed, and then gave him a kiss out of nowhere. What followed was, of course, sex. He kissed a lot, and gave head also. But after that first kiss, my mood started to die. I wanted to keep it up there, with him being the only night-spender that possibly matter, and we did have this secret eye lock during office sessions. But it just didn’t.
And at one point, he kept on saying “Oh baby”, “come here, baby” or “yes, baby”. That Louis was very different from that one in daytime. “Baby”? And that wasn’t the worst. “You’re a stud” or “wow, your cock…” were what followed. At least it was better than “animal” as the Taichung boy or “stallion” as the governor adviser boy. I just wanted to tell him to stop doing that, since it didn’t sound honest nor add up to the sexiness. But I just couldn’t. I just laid there, with my eyes closed, and then came in his mouth and fell to sleep.
There was a moment when I really felt like it was Louis “daytime” again. He fixed the blanket for me when I was coughing a bit due to the cold. But that was it. In the early morning, when I was still asleep, he sucked me a bit, and then climbed on top of me without notice, rode me when I was still trying to figure out what to do, called me “baby” again and then came on my stomach. He didn’t use any condom. I told him never to do it again, to anybody.
It was hard, sleeping next to someone. Sometimes it was because that person was too much of your dream crush, that you were so starstrucked that you wouldn’t dare let out a heavy breath in order not to disturb their peacefulness. Sometimes it was because there was nothing at all, that you just wondered why you both ended up where you were. The magical ones, for me, were rare but when it happened, it stayed.