Yesterday, I still went to bed thinking it would be different in the morning, that Joey’s message would come first thing. Sometimes it was for a random greeting which referred to the time difference. I told him it was selfish addressing my time with his time, but I always thought he did it on purpose to annoy me anyway. Sometimes it was just a selfie of him doing his daily routine. I told him I didn’t do selfies since it reminded me of self-indulgence.
Yesterday, things seemed savable. It was just a fight. I went too much. He reacted too much. “Give him time,” Damian tried to assure. I believed in him, like I always did. After all, we had made plans together. Tickets had been reserved. Vacation was awaiting. Long term plans had been discussed once or twice, me coming over, him coming over, 4 or 5 times a year. I always laughed thinking about the time we even talked about kids. That thought was way too early but it was pleasant to see a future in my head.
But today, when I woke up at 5 am, when it was still so quite that a bird chirping from afar could be detected, it hit me that things couldn’t be saved anymore.
He had unfriended me on Facebook. My messages went unresponded. So did my phone calls. Our existence, which was still fresh and promising yesterday, was disappearing slowly with every single trace gradually being erased. The promises made and the story line I shared with a guy whose kindness and persistence made me fall for in the first place were now set in the past, along with yesterday.
“Would you consider dating, if I come back?” Joey frowned, throwing the question out there as I was dressing up, ready to leave the bed where we just made love.
“We will see,” I looked back at him, smiling, and saw his disappointment which was carefully covered with a pout of the lips. “Take everything as it comes”.
And now I guess it’s time to follow my own advice. But it’s always harder to do it than to say it.