Damian asked me what made him different from the others. I didn’t know how to answer but the first thing that came to my mind was “he changed my mind.”
Joe sent me a message. Just as usual. But the fact that it’s just as usual made it harder for me to fathom. How come he could still act like everything was the same way it had been? We hadn’t talked for days, busy schedule he cited, but I knew he was online on gay app. It was OK, seeking other mates for temporary fun, and that’s what you have to accept. But it’s another thing putting it over someone you had claimed to want to build something with. A quick text never really cost much time, and he had all the time for the app.
It’s the matter of priority. That’s what I’m going to tell him. We deserve a talk, even a final talk. That’s what I’m going to confront him with. But at the same time, that’s what I’m scared to receive from him.
“Using the word ‘love’ after just a few days makes me run,” Damian just texted.
“No, he didn’t use that. He said ‘the begining of love’.” I replied, thinking about Ben and George, those people I had fallen for, and I did declare to myself that is love, in just a few days whose weights I still carry until now. “He said he wanted to build a future with me.”
“In that future, who will have to move country?”
This one, I don’t know how to reply. There have been always too many doubts and insecurities and I have always counted on Joe to cast them down one by one. He had proclaimed that he would. And I believed in it. Now I’m just not so sure anymore.