“Do you miss me?”
That was what he asked everytime we met. Every single time. Time went by slowly but steadily. We tried to deceive, to outrun time, to trick time into a false trap where we could enjoy the ambiance a little more while. We tried to stall the goodbye.
It wasn’t love. I’m not sure what it is, or maybe it just wasn’t the definition of ‘love’ that I’m used to. I wasn’t starstrucked like what happened with George. I didn’t stutter or got confused between reality and fantasies like what Ben did to me. I wasn’t in that verge where one step ahead would means an overwhelming emotion surge. The objects were just stable. Or maybe it was what people usually talked about growing up and learning from past falls, it was maturity?
One thing I know for sure, I was calmer. All of those adventures, they didn’t seem to matter.
There was a late afternoon when my shirt was dripping in sweat from the long walk. The sky was getting darker and you could see the stars showing themselves right on the bay. It was hard to see anything from where I stayed. Maybe that, the universe sentiment, or maybe it was just the fresh air and the surrounding environment dominated by beautiful people going hand in hand that made hearts a bit weaker. I poured in him the flow of my fluid, looking at his eyes and then collapsed on his chest. That was my first time breeding.
“Are you gonna miss me?” This time he asked with a bit of a different wording. “Too much confidence,” I distracted him with some self-absorbed jokes and he made that duck face again when things seemed to go out of the way he wanted. And I felt sorry I made him sad. I just wanted us to keep on doing it, tricking time, while we still could.