There are days that I just feel tired and stayed up all night just to be able to feel a single trace of sleepiness which doesn’t arrive until it’s all a bit too late. Like this afternoon, I skipped work without informing anybody and just turned off the phone. Am I getting irresponsible?
I was on Facebook and saw photos of people whose reputation had gone ahead of them. They are rich, they are powerful, they have been doing the thing that I’m doing for living. Some are professional at it, some kick their way to the top by casting themselves in the ranks I’m not sure they even believe in. And they laugh at people like me for being that new guy, with nothing, no “safety net”, no political will. I laugh at them for being unreal.
There was this dream about the friend group that was really close to me in elementary school. We cried when one of us got moved to another class due to, again, “safety net” since that class was deemed “more advanced”. Years ago, one of them got married and my mom was invited, not me, which was fine since I wouldn’t know what to say seeing him. Did I get lagged behind they have moved on successfully?
Either way, I realized later that the dream came after the day one of my students (also my cousin) did this speaking activity where he had to introduce his best mates to me. Upon finishing with a funny wedding story, he turned to me, in confident manner and asked: “And how about you? What would you give your best friend on his wedding day?”
But it does get better. Kindness. Strangers’ kindness. I believe in such thing. I just observed instead of asking the student I had on Wednesday night to focus when she was a bit distracted petting the new born bird she rescued on the way home. 3 nights ago, I drove the cleaning lady at the gym home during the storm, the least I could do after she offered me a new umbrella to keep the broken one for herself.
Corinne Bailey Rae’s latest album is really good. The last time I heard from her was when her husband died. This one sounds like she could enjoy happiness again. Oh and the new Frank Ocean’s album sounds promising too.