On Tuesday, I officially received the assignment to the new position in the office which is also the direction that I’ve been trying to avoid. The other option, to quit, after almost 2 years trying to get in, is just not what sounds right right now. The main reason why this isn’t the career path I’ve envisioned is that I know I couldn’t live up to it. I’m the one who doesn’ know much.
On Monday night, I didn’t feel right since I made efforts to go see the first friend of his ever that he was going to introduce me to (big deal?) and still, he didn’t get the words to say, no matter how vast his social and natural science knowledge is. How is it supposed to happen while I’m the one who doesn’t know much?
2 days earlier, I was saying goodbye to Ernst the double doctor titled German man. Despite the age, he’s got good profile when I looked at him from the side, lovely blue eyes and the accent that reminds me of innocence. ‘Naughty’, he called me. But ‘playful’ is the word that I prefer. We spent most of the time arguing, which I quite enjoyed later, about language barriers, tricks & flexibility. I mocked him for being so overwhelmed by new experiences while he pretended to complain about my being too young and not knowing much.
On Sunday, on the biking path, I pulled over to have some ice cream with Damian. Damian, I know one Damian, who used to give me such exotic massage therapy he’d learnt in Chiang Mai and chocolate sweet. But this one is different, with values and principles of the youth, and teasing nature. And there’s something that reminds me of Alan about him. “I gotta think ahead of this guy.”
We didn’t have sex though. I guess whatever I planned, it’s always 1 step behind. And the worse thing is, through misunderstanding I tend to reckon, I put him in the position I used to put Maxime in and we all knew how it turned out. Again, I didn’t know much.
I’m gonna go back to what I know best, short romance, mind stealing & breaking game, and children. It’s always amusing to see them grow every day knowing a drop of it stems from my pouring.