I’m physically worn out. My body wants to sleep but at the same time it doesn’t allow itself to do so. Getting first call to military service worries me. Seeing old flames getting sucessful and living life worries me. Future job worries me. Disease and health issues have been hovering around. Students are degrading. Family fight makes me wonder if moving out help? I don’t know.
I like sex and hate sex at the same time. I miss having Alan, Phuc Bear or Bathrobe call or text everyday to check non sense stuff. Bathrobe used to read me poetry. Phuc Bear used to care, down to everything I eat. And Alan used to send universe power to support whatever I do. I’ve always wanted to be my best gay friends. Now Alan loaths me, P. Bear and Bathrobe is still avoiding me. They say time heals everything but I’m still waiting.
Last night I let my partner suck the dick of some dude I picked up for a threeway and realized it was a mistake. After all, he is what he is. Just like I am.