In The Aftermath

Fiji Bear said he had never been with a white guy before. Sometimes, I got his implying that he was a bit envious of the allegedly great deal of sexual expereince that I’ve had. And I know that there are certain things in sex that I don’t really feel like doing to my partner, hence the worry that one day Fiji would lose the sexual appeals in me and God knows how easily he could find a substitute source of satisfaction somewhere. Those were the reasons I thought why I initiated our first threesome.

I talked him into posting an ad on Craigslist, which is always my preference over other hookup sites or apps, recruiting for someone to suck both of our cocks and nothing more. As expected, replies started to flood in once my dick pic was on display, accompanied by the flatterness that I enjoyed.

We decided, or actually, I decided to settle on this guy named John Doe who appears to be the most stable, decisive, sensual and reliable of some sort. Organizing things like that was no strange practice to me. My heart pounded. It would be my first man contact, of course except for the short fling with Richard and Mario back then, ever since I met Fiji Bear and started calling him “my man”.

John was professional. After a small street art concert, a few beers and some chatting, he got both of us to strip to our bare skin, exposed, under the light, to a stranger, for his massage service. I went in first, lying face down. The last time I was massaged properly was 5 months ago, with the magic touch from Damian and his Tok Sen tool. And I could tell from the very first fingertip that John Doe was really good.

Fiji said he would mirror John’s technique and then began to rub me up and down gently. As those 4 hands from two naked men were tracing down the veins and bones under my skin, I started to let out those small moans which then became bigger and louder as the night proceeded.

“You’re sexy… and you’re a lucky guy,” John Doe, with his blue eyes and sly grin, said to me and then Fiji.

I could sense that John noticed my sexual tension built up as he put my feet to his mouth and licked the space between my toes, and then my balls and finally my cock. Everything was so well done, as expected after all, after his experience with over 100 men and kinky/creative sex play. But at that seemingly ectastic moment, I felt like I was losing myself, losing Fiji. The only thing my conscious could tell me to do is to grab Fiji’s hand.

And then I realized, yes, the reasons the threeway idea popped up was because of Fiji. But thinking it through, probably it was me all along. I was a selfish man, playing the character of a noble one, unknowingly, to get the excuse to fulfill my own fantasy, to put myself in the center of attention again without being accused of cheating, to get my own ego satisfied, to get my attention hunger alleviated. And I even kissed John, right in front of Fiji, which was something out of our prior agreement.

—–

On the way back home, I was talking to John. He was complimenting on how I was one of the thicker and bigger guy than the men he’s encountered here and I took pride on it. And then it struck me that the scoreboard was here again, the past was here again, and the old me was here again.

Now, after the threesome, all I’ve got is Fiji questioning my loyalty, and I questioning whether I was losing myself or showing my true self, the sex addict that got fed from sexual adventures before Fiji came along, and more horrifying to me, is Fiji being online on those sex apps again after a long time since we both agreed not to use them anymore since I suggested resorting to backup plan in case the Craigslist ad didn’t work. Now I’m scared I might lose him too.

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This entry was published on September 6, 2015 at 5:43 am. It’s filed under Florian, John Doe and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “In The Aftermath

  1. The noose and the word “aftermath” made me afraid of reading this post. And your dire outlook in the last three paragraphs explains your choice.

    Now I’m scared I might lose him too.No, you won’t.

    I don‘t question your loyalty, because your loyalty has never failed me, even after I cheated on you twice. And now, in this threesome, we were in it together, aware of each other, being there for each other. At no point did I feel disconnected from you, or even questioned you.

    It is uncanny how we both put your grabbing my hand in the focus of our posts, even though we hadn’t talked about that before. We locked hands in the past, we will lock hands in the future. It is how we anchor each other, anchor to our care, trust and love. I don’t ever want to miss it.

    Maybe you were the centre of attention most of the time, but it didn’t feel wrong. I like to put you into the centre of my attention anyway! And I got my share, too – except perhaps a longer massage, but that train had left when it was “my turn”. It is revealing what you think about your self – the sex addict, the scoreboard, the attention hunger, all this stuff. You paint yourself in a worse light than you really are. You know these parts of your personality, you are aware of them and you take care that they don’t take over.

    Besides, I should consider myself really lucky that I have a relationship with a sex addict. I enjoy sex, and you deliver it in vast quantities. ;-p

  2. Even quite at the beginning, at the small concert, John had commented on us: “You’re cute together.” So much for trying to be discreet in public. 🙂

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