I’ve promised myself not to write anything about Ben but it’s been proven to be less feasible than I’d expected. Last night, I dreamed about him in our path once again, looking for new adventure while I was struggling to stay asleep so that he could linger with me for a few more minutes, you know, just to see how it would go even if not in reality.
You were there with your whole life in Asia packed in that bag, accompanied by Alex whom I’ve found no connection with. I’ve always felt like alongside those people, your best parts are brought out, the fun and untamed part, drenched with sorrow and thoughts about life from your perspective, unlike when you were with me.
You spent the night at what seems to be one of my relatives’ place. I remembered waking up during our rest time to go upstairs just to check how you were doing and saw you sleeping, with Alex (in a separate bed), with no clothes, only covered waist down by a thin sheet. I’ve seen you not fully dressed a lot of time but it was still a scene I found mesmerizing. I really wanted to go in there and get a hold of you but I just couldn’t. And I think Alex was doing weed.
I believe that’s the last thing on my mind when I tossed and turned only to find myself in another dream related to the wedding girl AM. But it was enough to cast a whole shadow hovering around my Monday morning. I’m sorry if all I have ever done caused you any confusion or embarrassment. You know, it’s just really hard to forget things that have never happened sometimes.