I just got back from a bar with a couple of friends. Matt was there. He was the one who introduced me to this one and kept on nagging me to come over tonight. I did, as usual. When I walked in, I started to sense a very strong “gay” atmosphere and guess what, it turned out to be a gay disco party day.
“That must feel like heaven for you,” Matt thought. Or at least I guess that’s what he thought. He did give me that look though.
Unluckily, it wasn’t like that. I’ve never been able to mingle in with the community I’m supposed to be a part of in this town. I did go to that bar they often go to a couple of times but never been able to get a new friend. I remember one time I was in that bar trying to break in that close knit circle of beings but ended up went home feeling isolated more than ever.
Back to tonight, yes, again I found myself not being able to actually communicate with anybody. I left the party, went home, scrolled through my Facebook feeds and saw AM (the wedding girl)’s video of her singing with her husband, the one who hit her and made her cut herself 2 months ago and also the one whose whoring about has been so popular that even I’ve heard of it.
Earlier, I went out drinking with a guy from work. He asked me about my first love, whether I had anyone in mind right now. I guess he knew a couple things between me and AM since he is also in that friends of friends network. He said a smart guy would know that he shouldn’t be that one who doesn’t get the girl but is always there.
Sometimes I wish that I were straight more than ever.