This past week has been quite something I haven’t had in a while, partly thanks to this strange encounter.
I went for a job interview. It was a pretty high position in a freaking huge corporation in the country. Of course, I was tempted since I’m currently doing a job that almost literally pays nothing at all so I agreed to go for it right away. Plus, being a secretary or assistant kind of things is what I’m really interested. I mean, I’m always interested in new things (which is what I guess makes me a not so consistent kinda of person), especially things that require the ability to deal with multiple tasks at the same time and gives you a sense of being a carer like this.
That guy insisted on meeting at a fancy cafe that probably with my current financial situation I would never mind taking a second look walking by. He was late for like 10 minutes but did text me in advance. When I finally met him, I was quite surprised by the fact that he looked pretty… fancy, just like the place he’d chosen. He dressed well, hair in perfect trendy shape, nice footwear, looking clean and shiny and all that and I was like “Damn, I was wearing the jeans from the past 5 days and dirty sneakers.” He talked to me in a very polite and business-like manner (of course) but also a little, I don’t know, effeminate. My gaydar was instantly on.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t really feeling attracted to that guy. But it was just one of my ultimate fantasies to have some actions with strangers out of nowhere (yes, I watch too much porn). So I tried to be as professional and pay as much attention to the conversation as possible but at the same time keeping my interested eyes gazing at him. After 20 minutes talking about me and the job, he came to the final decision to let me see his boss (the big man) to see whether he liked me or not. It means that he thought that I was ok for the job. “Well done”, I was thinking to myself.
“Are you single?” out of the blue did he ask.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
You’re asking the wrong guy, man. But I tried to keep it calm and cool. “Is this a proper question in a job interview? But in case you’re interested, no, I don’t have a girlfriend, currently.”
The silence fell upon us again as he looked down his iPhone, scrolling what seemingly appeared to be my resume.
“Are you straight?”
I was drinking hot tea, trying to be classy and this question almost got me choked.
“Don’t worry, I’m very open about it,” he said.
After like 5 seconds, I decided to ask him why that question came about. He said it was because of the way I chose words. It was too careful. So, any guys using carefully chosen words are not likely to be straight? However, I saved that thought for myself and continued the talk without answering that question. Finally, he gave me a month to give him my say on the job offer, whether I wanted to proceed any further or not.
“Have you had dinner?”
“Do you want to have dinner with me?”
OK. Another surprise of the day. I was stuttering and then I said “yes”. Damn again, I don’t have enough to dine at a restaurant at his dandy standard.
Well, you can guess what happened next. We went to his car, had dinner, I did flirt a little bit but that’s all. He did text me some stuff before we went to bed that night and I did think he was somehow adorable, maybe we could try dating or something. However, I was wrong once again.
He didn’t contact me the following day. I’d expected something, I mean, a text or anything, anything to keep the conversation the night before going, any sign that he’s also interested in me and I was in him after that dinner. But he didn’t. Of course, I was rather disappointed. If he had no intention of starting something or doing something to me at all, he shouldn’t have had asked me out for a dinner right? The rage of being treated unfairly, or maybe the feeling of being fed with false hope again, encouraged me to make the first move. I decided to send him a message, answering his question regarding my sexuality. But he let the conversation die again. I didn’t want to make me sound like a desperate romance-seeker (which I am) so I did what I should have done: let it go.
My buddy Matt told me that maybe he was waiting for my answer regarding the job offer since people don’t really wanna mix personal and professional stuff together. Yeah, why didn’t I think of that, maybe that’s the reason for his inconsistency. Or maybe he was just being nice and had no intention of some sort with me whatsoever in the first place but just to see how he can have power over people he considers gay. Yeah, big people love that don’t they? Or maybe he realized I’m not really appealing enough?
Whatever it is, it made me spend quite a few nights thinking. Now I think I even forget his face. But there’s one thing I remember, which is the crave for love sometimes is even scarier than I thought it is. It leads me down to the roads that can get me overwhelmed of my very own delusion.