I haven’t really blogged in a while, not because I’m busy or something but largely due to my laziness. Sometimes I felt like I got a lot to say but then I just went to bed instead. Sometimes I got time and really wanted to write something but then I remembered a movie that I hadn’t watched in a while. I’m just not decisive like that.
So today, I just got back from a bar, the one that I like to be exact. Situated in a hidden corner, it is a warm, polite, cozy ambiance. I’ve been to that bar a lot, lately, either with a friend or alone. I saw a college friend today and we talked a lot. She told me about how our mutual friends, or not really friends, just mutually known people in the same college, were doing with their lives. Some got married, some even got kid(s), most of them are actually doin 9 to 5 with desirable payment. And then she asked me how I had been doing lately.
The question struck me hard, not because it was the topic that I was trying to avoid but also what I felt embarrassed most about myself. I don’t know why, for the past 8 months, I keep telling everyone I meet everywhere I go that I’m a recent graduate. And it has been 8 months already. Yes, sometimes my laziness surprises me.
It’s not that I didn’t try. I’m still teaching now, which is what I enjoy but sometimes it gets really bored and repetitive. I did apply for some communications companies that I’m interested but no reply so far.
And love life really is not going in the directions that I want, either. I just got back from the Philippines and I slept with somebody there. It was the first time I slept with somebody I don’t have feelings to, which is a violation to my consistent sex-with-love only. I mean, I used to despite those who treat sex as something for fun, run out in the next morning or consider your fuck partner another one of their conquests. So I did feel really contradict after that. I even spent quite some time, alone, in the beautiful white sand beach in Boracay, asking myself whether it was the drink or it was just because I was too lonely and needed somebody that much. I hoped it wasn’t the latter.
Anyway, I don’t want to look like a whining self-indulgent little brat. I’m gonna do something different next week. Something more productive, at least in work. And yes, I’m still very positive about finding the right one. Since it has happened several times, it will again.